10 Years On: Gay Marriage in Massachusetts

Heidi and Gina Nortonsmith

Heidi and Gina never intended to be heroes. But today, that’s how many people treat them.

“People are so effusive in their thanks. They give us hugs, sometimes there are tears,” says Heidi of the reaction that the Northampton couple receives when people discover that they were among the Goodridge plaintiffs. “That reaction didn’t always feel commensurate to what we did. Someone even once said to us, ‘you’re heroes! You’re our Rosa Parks.’”

That remark made Heidi see their story in a new light. The circumstances and civil rights battles were different, of course. But Heidi says that just as Parks was among those who gave organizations like the NAACP the incidents it needed to challenge legal segregation, she and Gina were among those couples GLAD selected to challenge marriage inequality. “We’re the people who were picked to play a particular, small role in a bigger issue,” says Heidi. Today that’s a distinction the couple wears with pride.

“After May 2004, people would come up to us at the grocery store or at the playground. They would tell us the stories of their weddings and how their marriage had changed their family’s attitude,” says Gina. “It was overwhelming.”

But there have been reminders of how much work there is left to do. Last year, when the Supreme Court ruled in the Windsor case and struck down Section 3 of DOMA, the couple was jubilant. But the experience was also bittersweet for Heidi. She was away from home, studying at an annual Scottish arts program hosted on the campus of Oberlin College. The atmosphere, she says, was distinctly Midwest: as in, very straight. “If I had been at home in Northampton, it would have been a nonstop celebration,” says Heidi. “Instead I was back at my alma mater, 30 years later, feeling like on one hand we’ve come so far—and on the other, here I am having some of the same old experiences. Everyone was talking about their kids and families, and when I mentioned mine, my partner in the program—someone I had been studying with, eating with, and getting to know for 45 days—heard what I said, turned on his heels and walked away.” Goodridge changed the fight for marriage, but as long as a patchwork of equality exists across the country, she realizes there are still places where she and Gina will be considered second-class citizens.

Of course, that’s not the case everywhere. Today Gina is a public school teacher, and Heidi the executive director of Northampton Survival Center, a nonprofit that helps low-income families. They’re seemingly ordinary moms. But to many people, they will always be considered heroes. “I remember when we gave a speech to a some high school LGBT groups,” says Heidi. “Afterwards a few of them came up to us and said, ‘you guys saved our lives.’”

“In joining the lawsuit we wanted to be role models to our children,” she adds. “We wanted to be people who stood up for what is right.” Mission: accomplished.

THE BCAE LOOKS BACK ON MARRIAGE

To commemorate 10 years of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, the Boston Center of Adult Education (BCAE) is taking a unique look back—and ahead—with a series of special programs.

On Friday, May 16, the BCAE will host “Sip the Rainbow,” a cocktail reception featuring drinks inspired by the colors of the Pride flag. The reception (6-8 p.m.) coincides with the opening of two new photo exhibitions. There is “The Hard-Won Fight: America’s First Legal Same Sex Marriages,” by Marilyn Humphries and Susan Symonds, which documents the dramatic fight for equality during 2003 and 2004. And there is “Marriage Equality/10th Anniversary Portraits” by Joel Benjamin, which features recent portraits of the brave plaintiff couples, including much of his work in this issue of Spirit. Tickets for the reception are $20 at the door; $15 in advance at bcae.org. The exhibitions will remain on display through June 30.

In addition, the BCAE will host a special panel on Tuesday, May 20 from 6:30-8 p.m., “A Public Conversation: 10 Years of Gay Marriage.” Moderated by WGBH personality Jared Bowen, the discussion will include plaintiffs Hillary Goodridge, Julie Goodridge, Rob Compton and David Wilson, as well as former Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Justice John M. Greaney. Registration for the forum is $10 ($8 members) at bcae.org. There you can also find information on additional LGBT-related courses offered throughout May and June, including “How to Throw a Gay Wedding,” “Whether to Wed: A Legal & Tax Guide for Gay and Lesbian Couples,” “Books You Should Know: LGBT Classics,” and “Out Loud: Reading Gay Plays.”