(March 4, 1979–May 2, 2020)
When the devastating news hit the community about Jahaira DeAlto’s murder, ripples of shockwaves reverberated throughout the state and beyond. However, when it was disclosed that DeAlto’s death was caused by a fatal domestic abuse incident, anyone who knew Jahaira—transgender activist and ballroom legend of the House of Balenciaga—was not surprised, albeit crushed.
In typical fashion, DeAlto had opened her heart and home to a troubled couple while the husband, who fatally stabbed both his wife, Fatima Yasin, 27, and DeAlto, 42, “attempted to address his mental illness.” As a domestic violence survivor turned advocate, DeAlto worked as an Intimate Partner Violence & Sexual Assault Counselor at the Elizabeth Freeman Center. She knew the risk involved but, nonetheless, was always willing to lend a helping hand.
“She had a big heart and tons of compassion,” DeAlto’s mother, Doris Camer, shared in an interview with WBUR. “Always. Always.”
During the community vigil and memorial service held for her last month at Franklin Park Playstead, mourners acknowledged DeAlto’s big heart. One by one, her queer children—thrown out by their birth parents—spoke movingly about her unconditional love, support and guidance mothering them. For example, Athena Vaughn, founding president of Trans Resistance MA, who delivered DeAlto’s eulogy, was one of her kids. Vaughn resided with DeAlto for well over a decade during her nascent transition years. DeAlto’s mothering of Vaughn was pivotal when coming out felt like she was on a journey without a road map. DeAlto comforted and affirmed Vaughn—who derives from a Black church conservative faith tradition with prescribed gender roles—with the assurance of something as simple as purchasing her first pair of jeans.
DeAlto taught others how to be a mother by example, and, to the surprise of no one, she started mothering in her teens.
“As an older teenager, she was already mothering and ‘auntie-ing’ the younger ones. I will always remember times she blessed someone out gently and firmly when they were on the wrong track,” Letta Neely shared with me. Neely is associate director of Apprentice Learning and former director of Boston GLASS Community Center for GLBTQ youth and young adults who attended the vigil.
“She showed me that compassion and help were not hollow trinkets. She is one of the people who reminded me constantly that being in the position of a nurturer meant you could still be a full human in need of nurturing as well.”
DeAlto knew her role as a matriarch in the community was the needed bedrock to empower present and future generations. Not only did DeAlto know the role was vital to the LGBTQIA+ community, but she left us with her words as to why she so willingly stepped into the role as her calling:
“I am the Mother who raised the children whose rainbows sparkled too brightly and blinded their birth moms. I cherished what they discarded. I took on earthly assignments for the moms who’d earned their heavenly reward. For the babies who still needed raising, I did that.”
This quote was distributed along with a photo of DeAlto at the vigil.
Alyssa Dallas, a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) in Massachusetts, credits DeAlto for inspiring her to become a therapist working with LGBTQ+ children. “I am who I am today because of her,” Dallas told me. “She lit a fire in my life to work with LGBTQ+ kids. To know she’s no longer with us, I am overwhelmed with grief and gratitude to have met her.”
Dallas shared when DeAlto came to her class to bring awareness to cisgender people about the discrimination transgender people confront and how to be an ally. By the end of the class visit, students were in love with DeAlto.
“If you don’t know anyone who’s transgender, you now know me,” DeAlto told the students. “If you don’t have a transgender friend, you now have me.”
DeAlto’s infectious personality had 2.57K subscribers on her video blog, which makes processing the loss of her painful and bewildering. “Her personal mission was to share as much love as she possibly could with the world, and she energized every room she entered, “shared Sasha Goodfriend, director of Mass NOW.
When asked to give a one-word descriptor of DeAlto, people shared the following: realness, Mommy, uplifting, catalyst, advocate, friend, energetic, compassionate, sarcastic and spot-on, to name a few. My favorite descriptor was “glitter.” Glitter particles reflect light at different angles, causing anything it comes in contact with to sparkle. That was DeAlto.
“She impacts your life and leaves some of her with you,” Dallas said.
Rest in Power.
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