[This column appears in the July/August 2020 issue of Boston Spirit magazine. Subscribe for free today.]
“This is not how I planned to spend my retirement!”
Phil Tackle’s words echo the frustration so many LGBTQ older adults felt as soon as they saw their worlds closing in during the forced isolation in the wake of COVID-19. Tackle, 73, from Brighton, retired in 2010 from the Massachusetts Executive Office of Health and Human Services armed with good advice from other friends who retired before him: “You have got to have something you are passionate about.” So he began to use his newfound free time to pursue a lifelong dream of ballroom dancing. “I would be out dancing almost every night of the week doing ballroom, or country western with Gays for Patsy or at a weekly lindy hop at MIT. And, as a very social person, he would fill in the spaces when he wasn’t dancing by going out to eat with friends or going to the gym. When the pandemic came, everything stopped overnight. Tackle was alone in his condo feeling isolated and depressed.
This was the case for the majority of LGBTQ older adults everywhere. Over the last 15 years in Massachusetts, a vast network of resources, community programs and social groups emerged specifically for this population who had been beset by social isolation for decades. As soon as the pandemic hit in early March, all those programs closed down. With this deadly virus, it wasn’t safe for older adults to be out in public. The LGBT Aging Project at Fenway jumped into gear very quickly and developed two programs aimed at building a whole new infrastructure to reconnect all these seniors who were now cut off from each other.
One of the programs utilized a group of volunteers to make wellness calls to every single LGBTQ older adult we had contact information for. Part of these calls was to gather important information such as the senior’s immediate needs (like groceries or medications) and their overall mental and physical health. Other questions included asking about their ability to connect to the Internet and if they wanted to have a regular volunteer caller to chat with. The volunteers would enter that information into a Google form and The LGBT Aging Project would then connect the senior with the elder service provider or council on aging in their area for the appropriate resources.
Jane Beckwith, 67, from Medford, is one of the folks who benefitted from these calls. “In March I came down with COVID-19 and felt very helpless because I live alone and had no way to get groceries. The isolation was just hell,” she said. Beckwith, a former massage therapist, describes herself as a very social person, so the sudden isolation was debilitating. Because of problems with her vision, it was not possible for her to connect with other people online or even through email. Her phone was her primary link with the outside world. So when she received a call from a volunteer named Carla Rosinski she was surprised and grateful. “It was so nice to have someone to talk to. Carla immediately went out and bought groceries for me—I was still so sick then.”
For Beckwith, every day in isolation is a struggle. “When I wake up, the first thing I do is say, ‘I’m going to make it through another day,’” but she finds it so difficult. The seclusion intensified the feelings of loss for her longtime partner, who died 15 years ago. “We were such a great team; we could have gotten through this together.” Now the loneliness is just so intense. Having regular calls from Carla has really helped the isolation. “We even met one afternoon and took a walk together and even though we were six feet apart and wore masks, it was so nice to be with another person again. It was the first time in months.”
These calls were equally meaningful for Rosinski who is a therapist in North Andover. “I was fortunate to be okay during the corona crisis and I wanted to help others. These calls made me feel like I was making a difference and I have really enjoyed getting to know Jane. There is such potential with intergenerational connections.”
The LGBT Aging Project’s second program had a mission to reconnect LGBTQ older adults, peer to peer, during this pandemic. Like so many businesses and organizations, we looked to Zoom as a tool to foster a sense of face-to-face connections that people were starved for. Getting an older population, who is often not very tech savvy, on board with Zoom was a large task in itself. To break down the digital barrier, the Aging Project enlisted another team of volunteers, who were older LGBTQ adults themselves and taught them how to be comfortable with Zoom. Then that group began offering Zoom classes to other LGBTQ older adults as well as for leaders of social groups. In a very short time many LGBTQ community meals migrated to Zoom as did other groups like RALLY, Stonewall @ OLLI Life Long Learning, and The Boston Prime Timers.
“I don’t know what I would do without Zoom,” Tackle adds. “It has been the saving grace during this horrible time. I couldn’t take one more day of this isolation.” As soon as the pandemic hit, all of the dance programs immediately shut down. Tackle joined one of the early zoom classes and now looks forward to the LGBT Aging Project’s weekly Zoom drop-in group. “It is on my calendar and something I look forward to. It breaks up the quiet and provides a wonderful space to just talk about what is happening with other LGBT people who are going through the same thing. Now we can meet up and share little tips about how we are each surviving this.” Tackle learned to adapt some things like taking a daily walk for five miles to get exercise in place of going to the gym, which was closed. “But there was no substitute for social connections. Then, when I learned Zoom, a whole new world opened up. I don’t know how they survived this in 1918 without Zoom.”
Beckwith plans to join her first Zoom drop-in group with The LGBT Aging Project soon. Meanwhile her weekly calls with Carla and her walks outside with her dog, Jake, are keeping her going. “Some days when I get really bored, I think about the future. I wish for a garden party where I could sit outside with other people and laugh and drink iced tea. That would be so lovely.”
Bob Linscott is assistant director of the LGBT Aging Project at The Fenway Institute
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