[Note: This story ran as the Senior Spirit column in Boston Spirit magazine’s January/February 2016 issue.]
Have you ever paused to recognize how many circles of people we are connected to? For many of us we have a core set of friends, those who know us inside and out who are there unconditionally for better or worse. Many are connected to other circles of friends from work, from our neighborhood, clubs and sports teams, from college, and even from our childhood. We also have our family circles as well, which for some is no more than the obligatory holiday gathering or wedding. For others, family represents the core of their connection.
As we age we begin to see some of those circles slide farther from our lives. Childhood and college friends we once thought we couldn’t live without are reduced to glancing updates on Facebook. You may even notice the shifting placement of current friends as some drift in and out of our lives. But can you imagine what your life would be without any of those circles? Have you ever stopped to appreciate how much we rely on those people for nearly every aspect of our lives? Who or what would take their place if they were not there?
The sad statistic for our current generation of LGBT elders is that they are aging alone. This is the very generation who fought so hard for the growing acceptance we enjoy today. Many survived those intolerant and hostile decades, survived plagues and discrimination only to face social isolation in their final years.
To understand how this happened is to go back in time when being gay was against the law in all 50 states. If anyone found out your ‘secret’ you could lose your job, apartment, and children or be committed to a mental institution since homosexuality was not only illegal but considered a pathological illness. Finding other LGBT people in those days was difficult, and once you did you had to be very careful in public. Many of our current LGBT elders did not want to risk being guilty by association with other LGBT people so they never had the opportunity to develop stable and lasting social connections. Some LGBT people, with acts of courage, defied the odds and sought out friendships and still maintain those connections today. Sadly many gay me who lived through the early years of the AIDS crisis had their entire social networks wiped out.
If we fast forward to the present day we find these LGBT folks in their 70s and 80s with very few, if any social connections. They don’t feel welcomed in any of the places heterosexual seniors socialize such as senior centers or faith communities. These were the same people who shunned them decades ago. Even the gay community doesn’t offer a safe haven as it is just as youth-centric as the rest of society. So we end up with LGBT elders aging alone and cut off from the supports that would help make these years more meaningful.
The LGBT Aging Project is now embarking on a new pilot program that has the potential to eradicate the festering social isolation that has plagued so many elders in our community.
Creating new social circles
Our initiative is called Connected and it starts with circles of five LGBT elders who voluntarily sign up to participate in the three-month pilot. Participants in the circle agree to weekly check-ins with fellow group members. They will have a phone tree that indicates which person they are calling each week and at the same time one of the other members will be checking in on them. The frequency of the check-in calls increases if there is any type of situation or need such as an illness, depression or other emergency. The next week each participant calls a different person in the group and the process repeats throughout the program. Each Connected circle will have a Circle Coordinator, which will be a staff member from The LGBT Aging Project during the pilot program and then staffed by volunteers for future groups.
In addition to the regular phone check-ins, participants in the circles will be asked to have at least one face-to-face meeting at the start of the pilot so they can get to know each other. Circles will then be encouraged to plan monthly outings to connect with each other and check-in in person. Participants will also receive some coaching on skills such as caregiving, peer listening and accessing resources through their local elder service provider. These educational sessions will come in the form of workshops offered at Fenway Health open to all participants in the program. The circles will also be supported by Fenway’s LGBT Help Line (617-267-9001), staffed by trained volunteers who are excited to be linked with this new initiative.
This initiative has the potential to help LGBT seniors who are living alone and struggling with social isolation to feel connected again with the larger LGBT and mainstream community. At the very least we hope that it will provide at least one level of comfort during the winter months, which can be isolating and frightening.
Getting involved
We could use your help with this important project. After the pilot phase of Connected we will be looking for volunteers to take on the role of Circle Coordinators. In the future we hope to add the ability for face-to-face check-ins via webcam chats for elders who are homebound. We welcome any assistance in guiding us with the technology and recourses to make that happen. And if you are an older LGBT adult yourself and feel you could benefit from this program don’t hesitate to call we would love to talk with you further about Connected.
For details, go to the LGBT Aging Project’s website.
