“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.” — Robert Frost
Perhaps to our dismay, we are not Peter Pan, because the truth is we are all getting older. Yet, even if we can accept that simple fact, we become salmon swimming upstream against a current of anti-aging potions and a society that idolizes youth. There are so many mixed messages in the media around aging, which is only magnified in the gay community. But here is one fact that is indisputable. Aging itself is challenging, but the more we know the landscape ahead of us the better the overall experience can be.
The generations of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people who went so proudly before us, the ones on the frontline of our civil rights had their sights set on claiming their place at the table in American society. It is not surprising with that lofty agenda that they were not preparing themselves for their ‘golden years’. Can we blame them? When the battles were about safety, job security and equal rights who was thinking about fighting for a place in an assisted living facility?
Thankfully now, at least in Massachusetts and a small handful of other states, there are organizations dedicated to advocacy for LGBT elders. I work for one of these groups, The LGBT Aging Project, a program of The Fenway Institute. Our mission is to ensure that all LGBT older adults have the same access to life-sustaining programs and services that their heterosexual peers take for granted. We believe that everyone has the right to age with dignity and respect. Organizations like The LGBT Aging Project along with our colleagues across the country are now the ones on the frontlines of a new battle.
This time the battle lines have changed, we are not so much fighting hatred and violence, but a different type of enemy: ignorance and denial. The ignorance comes from the lack of education in the mainstream community about the existence of LGBT elders and the unique circumstances we face as we age. The denial is owned by those in our own community who have not accepted their own aging and have not made any attempt to prepare for this next great chapter.
Many in my field look at the issues around LGBT aging as the biggest crisis our community has faced since AIDS. And this is a crisis because in our country alone we have hundreds of thousands of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender elders who are aging alone without the caregiving assistance from a spouse, children, immediate family or the support of a larger community. The mainstream community doesn’t know we exist (“what does a gay elder look like anyway?”) and the gay community is just as youth-centric as the rest of society. What is worse is that even if all mainstream elder service agencies were welcoming to LGBT seniors, very few seniors would partake in their services simply due to the distrust they have developed after a lifetime of discrimination. The greatest fear many of my LGBT seniors share is that of ending up alone in a nursing home and having to go back in the closet.
Thankfully we live in a state with organizations like The LGBT Aging Project, Fenway Health, MassEquality and with a legislature that has launched the nation’s first state wide Commission on LGBT Aging. We are also fortunate to have an Executive Office of Elder Affairs that recognizes LGBT elders among those populations with the ‘greatest social need.’
In my work with LGBT seniors I often see people who fall into two camps, those who are aging well and are getting the most out of their retirement years and those who are unhappy, isolated and full of despair. I feel blessed to work with all of these wonderful people because they are showing me both the pitfalls and the celebrations of aging.
Each one of us has the choice of which path to take as we grow older. We can be blissfully ignorant of our aging only to wake up and realize we missed so many opportunities to build the critical support systems. Or we can take the first step and become familiar with the landscape of aging.
I am asking you to come on a journey with me in this blog, a journey that isn’t easy at first. Are any of us ready to gaze at ourselves in the mirror and celebrate each new wrinkle or our receding hairline? Perhaps not, but let me ease you into this journey so that the afternoon in Robert Frost’s poem is greeted with wisdom and knowledge. In future blogs I will share some of the stories from both camps – those of our elders who are aging with dignity and ‘fabulousness’ and those struggling to get through each day.
In other blogs I will highlight some of the key directives you need to have in place. Together we will go about the business of aging with humor, grace, pride and knowledge. Come with me.
Bob Linscott
Assistant Director,
LGBT Aging Project at The Fenway Institute
Note: A great first step in learning the landscape would be to attend Boston Spirit’s LGBT ElderCare Expo on November 19, from 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm at Fenway Health, 10th Floor, 1340 Boylston Street, Boston, MA. More info here: bostonspiritmagazine.com/signature-events/boston-spirit-lgbt-eldercare-symposium/
Next blog: The Massachusetts Commission on LGBT Aging
